The Baby You Stole Those From Would Like Them Back: The inexplicable return of the Harem Pant

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this; I live in Williamsburg, the dumbass fashion capital of dick heads everywhere. I have noticed for the last year or so, that something awful has been showing it’s ugly face in the “fashionable” crowd of this self entitled hipster hell hole. HAREM PANTS. You may be thinking “Why, in the name of all that is good, would anywhere wear these?!”. Well, I have spent many sleepless nights pondering this, here is a list of acceptable reasons to wear Harem Pants.

1. Tumor hanging from lower torso/groin area

2. Embarrassing genital mutation that cause your balls or your inner or outer labia to hang away from your body by a good 6″

3. Prolapse rehabilitation

4. You shit your pants frequently

5. In an acid induced rage, you did, in fact, steal them from a baby.

6. You are a centaur. But if you are a centaur, I would wear anything, cause you’re a fucking centaur and you should show that shit off.

7. You are a total douche that thinks the world needs to see your super chic saggy ass pants paired with your dumb platform shoes that you can’t walk in.

If any of these circumstances apply to you, then work it girl, you deserve it.

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